When a mother dies.....
Today the call came in that there really is not much more that can be done for my mother. She has battled cascading cancer from HRT for over 10 years. The battle is coming to an end. Hospice is being discussed and all my siblings (there are seven) are as shell shocked as they can be.
For the past six months, I have had time to reflect as to how I'd handle this when it came. This woman has fought through more impending death sentences than a death roe inmate. She has battled more than most people I know against such an insidious disease She was about to die so many times last summer, i started thinking of her as immortal. But one thing she has done for us children with all her fighting is to give us time to ready for her passing.
For the past six months, I have had time to reflect as to how I'd handle this when it came. This woman has fought through more impending death sentences than a death roe inmate. She has battled more than most people I know against such an insidious disease She was about to die so many times last summer, i started thinking of her as immortal. But one thing she has done for us children with all her fighting is to give us time to ready for her passing.
I thought I had it all figured out. But I don't. No, the cold fact of the matter is I have grown enough to know that one never really knows how one will act until we are in a given situation, and I believe that includes death of a family member.
Three years ago this month, I lost my mother-in-law. That was hard, actually much harder than anyone could have ever told me it was going to be, My grief seemed to have no outer perimeters, hence no end in sight. Nevertheless, time passed and eventually the severe depression that had cast a pall over my existence for about a year began to fade. If the truth be told, I am just this year coming to accept my loss without horrid, dark sorrow. I miss Eloise. I always will. So, I think it is somewhat ironic that this month might be the month I also lose my biological mother. Just when I thought I was getting better and April and the spring time wouldn't hurt so bad.....
I know I probably should not make this all about me, but I have come to believe that death, when it visits each of us, is intensely personal. I believe that the death of a parent has a different set of grieving emotions than would the death of a child. But pain is pain. Immeasurable and invisible. Mourning has a visible sign with crying. Grief however does not. In can penetrate like nothing else. It truly can "break" one's heart. (Another saying I did not believe in).
Back to the point at the beginning. As I listen to my siblings slowly "come to Jesus" about Mom's medical situation, I have also come to hear a tiny voice in me that reminds me that no matter what, I am not impervious to grief. No one is but sociopaths. Even if my mother wasn't "June Cleaver", she is still my parent. With her alive, I have an invisible boundary separating me by a generation from looking directly at my own mortality. Having that generation gone will herald a completely new dimension for me. It can be good, but that means one has to come to an end with her passing. That dimension that houses Mom will be gone very soon. And no matter what, that dimension will demand it's pound of flesh in grieving. I know now not to fight that. I will cry the tears that Mom's time on earth deserves. I also personally know, as a NDE (Near Death Experience) survivor, that I will see her again soon.
I ask all my friends for prayers for my family and me. There can never be enough good wishes and tiding sent towards each other. One thing my mom said once is true today, "No one can receive too much love." She got that right.
Peace to you all
Three years ago this month, I lost my mother-in-law. That was hard, actually much harder than anyone could have ever told me it was going to be, My grief seemed to have no outer perimeters, hence no end in sight. Nevertheless, time passed and eventually the severe depression that had cast a pall over my existence for about a year began to fade. If the truth be told, I am just this year coming to accept my loss without horrid, dark sorrow. I miss Eloise. I always will. So, I think it is somewhat ironic that this month might be the month I also lose my biological mother. Just when I thought I was getting better and April and the spring time wouldn't hurt so bad.....
I know I probably should not make this all about me, but I have come to believe that death, when it visits each of us, is intensely personal. I believe that the death of a parent has a different set of grieving emotions than would the death of a child. But pain is pain. Immeasurable and invisible. Mourning has a visible sign with crying. Grief however does not. In can penetrate like nothing else. It truly can "break" one's heart. (Another saying I did not believe in).
Back to the point at the beginning. As I listen to my siblings slowly "come to Jesus" about Mom's medical situation, I have also come to hear a tiny voice in me that reminds me that no matter what, I am not impervious to grief. No one is but sociopaths. Even if my mother wasn't "June Cleaver", she is still my parent. With her alive, I have an invisible boundary separating me by a generation from looking directly at my own mortality. Having that generation gone will herald a completely new dimension for me. It can be good, but that means one has to come to an end with her passing. That dimension that houses Mom will be gone very soon. And no matter what, that dimension will demand it's pound of flesh in grieving. I know now not to fight that. I will cry the tears that Mom's time on earth deserves. I also personally know, as a NDE (Near Death Experience) survivor, that I will see her again soon.
I ask all my friends for prayers for my family and me. There can never be enough good wishes and tiding sent towards each other. One thing my mom said once is true today, "No one can receive too much love." She got that right.
Peace to you all
